Ed and Regina's Wedding

I'm back!  I know it's been a while, but life has been hectic: new job, bachelor parties, weddings, and certainly a focus on the non-virtual aspects of my existence.

This past weekend was Ed and Regina's wedding.  This was to be my fourth wedding party (my fifth if I'vd been in the country to support Tom Kim's wedding party).  It was phenomenal, of course. 

On Friday, I took a $5 express train ride to Philly, where Daniele (my date) picked me up.  We drove the rest of the way to the Jersey shore for the wedding rehearsal and dinner. We got lost, and were about 35 minutes late -- yet we arrived at the same time as Regina.  Thank god for a bride that's late just as often as I ever was.  The wedding coordinator was a totalitariann dictator, who initially called me "funny name guy" despite the fact that another one of the groomsmen had told her how to pronounce my name before I arrived. 

Anyway, after Frau was through yelling at everyone to get things right, we had dinner and we got our wedding party gifts.  Ed gave most of the groomsmen a front-pocket credit card holder from Coach.  Ryan (Ed's brother and best man) got Sirius satellite radio.  Which reminds me -- Ryan and I had a brilliant concept for a satellite radio station format.  But I digress.  After dinner, Danlele and I went to the Atlantic City boardwalk since the east coast finally had some fantastic weather. 

On Saturday (the wedding day), Daniele and I went to the outlets in AC.  Eva and Doug met us there; I hadn't seen them since they had come to stay with me early last summer.  John and Christine (a groomsman and his girlfriend) also met up with us.  Unfortunately, I ran headlong into my dream destination: a Brooks Brothers outlet!  All my business casual clothes are getting old, owed to the fact that I haven't needed them much over the past year -- and the year before that, I was in South Africa wearing them out.  Turns out they were discounting already-reduced clothes an extra 60%!  So I ended up getting 3 pairs of pants from them for $28 dollars each...and by Brooks Brothers' standards, that's daylight robbery for me.  Unfortunately, my thick black posterior and thighs required me to purchase a waist size four sizes too big, which means a trip to the tailor.  But even though i'll probably have to pay more for the tailoring than I did for the pants, it's still worth it.  Brooks Brothers stuff is comfortable and lasts forever - plus, if you're going to dress nice, you have to be willing to spend money on both a quality feel and a quality look.  There's no point in dressing up otherwise.

Anyway, on to the wedding.  I think Ed and Regina will agree with me when I say that if you have a wedding, NEVER USE AFTER HOURS FORMAL WEAR!  They are fucking TERRIBLE.  Seriously.  Half the groomsmen had either the wrong accessories or none at all.  Naturally, I was one of them.  Ed actually had to go to Cherry Hill, NJ early Friday morning to get my tie, vest and shoes, none of which got ordered the first time around for reasons nobody could explain.  John had his tux order canceled entirely, and Chris -- the biggest guy in the whole wedding party -- somehow got a size small vest.  It was more than ridiculous; it was a debacle.  If you need to go nationwide, do Gingiss, Small's, Men's Wearhouse -- ANYONE besides After Hours.  They just aren't worth it.

I was nervous going to the site of the wedding, because I had not yet practiced the song I was going to sing at the reception.  John drovve me over there, since we both had to go early as groomsmen.  His girlfriend Christine very kindly ironed both our tuxedos, and off we went. 

The first thing Ed says to me on his wedding day is: "Did they give you the wrong shirt?"  Of course they did.  I was like "Uh...did they?"  It was the same shirt as John's...but he had the same wrong shirt.  Our shirts were the wrong color, the wrong material, the wrong style - everything.  Had it not been for the fact that we were all wearing long ties and vests, it would have been blatantly obvious; fortunately, the accessories covered things up so the crowd didn't notice.  I repeat again: NEVER USE AFTER HOURS.  THEY SUCK. 

I then went off to practice the song with the DJ's assistant, who accompanied me on guitar.  The DJ and I were checking levels and decided to do a run-through plugged in...when all of a sudden I look up to see that all the bridesmaids have walked into the same room to get their flower arrangements.  Now, I've played in front of crowds before.  But it's been awhile -- and I was VERY unprepared to have six hot ladies as an impromptu audience.  After I choked through that second trial run, I rejoined the other groomsmen.

The ceremony began with the groomsmen acting as ushers, escorting the ladies to their seats.  The ceremony continued with Regina's dad saying to us, "Well, gentlemen...see you on the other side."  As I walked out seeing the full wedding for the first time, I thought to myself  "Holy shit -- I'm going to be singing in front of all these people in an hour."  Distracted, I then proceed to fuck up my walk to the stage (along with most of the girls in the wedding party).  I not only cut the corner, I tried to line up behind Nick instead of in front of him until he hissed at me.  When I got to the right place after a 2-3 confused seconds, Nick said "Frau is gonna whip you like it's the 1860s."  At least I wasn't the only one who shanked...I was just the most obvious.  Fortunately I would redeem myself later. 

Regina was of course the last one out.  When she got to Ed and turned to face the judge, she said "I have to pee!" loud enough for everyone in front to hear.  I laughed so hard John had to nudge me.  As Reg's sister Jenn (the maid of honor) adjusted Regina's dress, Ryan (Ed's younger brother and best man) swatted a bee away from Ed in a fitting act of symmetry.  While the bridesmaids wiped away tears, the groomsmen were very quietly and subtly joking with each other and checking out the women in the audience.  For some reason, even though I thoguht this was going to be a very emotional day, we all couldn't stop smiling.  The judge presiding over the ceremony was the same judge Ed had worked for the summer before.  She even started to lose her composure at the end; it was very touching.  Once it ended, we went up to see Regina.  The first thing she says?  "Nice shirt!"  Then she laughs and says how she told Ed not to use After Hours, but he didn't listen.  Apparently their reputation preceeeds them when it comes to weddings.

Pictures and happy hour followed.  We got to do the rock star entrance to the reception hall, which is always my favorite thing about being in the wedding party: it's the closest I'll probably ever get to being a professional athlete, musician or wreslter.  We hammed it up, too: most of us wore sunglasses, and Nichole (my bridesmaid) and I totally posed as we walked.  Woooooo!!!!!!

Then came the usual: first dance as husband and wife, parents dance, wedding party dance, best man speech(ryan's speech was actually really good), maid of honor speech...and then it was time for me to perform.  I wasn't that nervous; I just had to remember to take it slow.  the song was "Steady As We Go" by the Dave Matthews Band, and the only one in the room who knew what song it was going to be was Ed and some of the damn eavesdropping bridesmaids.  At one point, I walked over to the newlyweds and sang directly to Regina (and Ed).  At the end, I threw in a highnote that earned some spontaneous applause, and the crowd seemed to appreciate my effort.  I found out a couple of hours beforehand that my date loved Dave Matthews and loved that song, so you could say I scored some points there. 

The rest of the reception was a blur of socializing, eating, drinking and dancing.  We had a blast, and to my surprise I didn't even come close to shedding a tear.  The next morning was a Sholinsky brunch (which Ed's dad graciously invited me to because apparently I'm like family), anf then a long but convenient ride directly back to my car in Maryland with Ed's pop.  I am still exhausted today -- and was so exhausted that I didn't go swimming yesterday and could barely stay awake at work today.  I did muster the energy to get to my next-door neighbor/tailor, though. 

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