JP's Last Hurrah

Some highlights from the final kickball newsletter of the season, written by conference president JP.  Make sure you read the "Goodbye" section:

That Was The Cup that Was The Capital Cup

DCKickball Capital Conference

July 29, 2007

If this column sucks… it’s not my fault. The Great Offseason Melancholy has set in.

CONGRATULATIONS TO YOUR MOM’S TEAM

PEOPLES CUP CHAMPIONS 2007

Peoples Cup Championship
Your Mom’s Team 3, Freqs 2 (7 innings)


TEAM OF THE WEEK

Under a blinding hot sun on Saturday, we witnessed three classic kickball games, a plus a couple of extra innings, and in the end YOUR MOM’S TEAM emerged victorious in one of the greatest division / conference tournaments of all time. They came back from a 2-0 deficit by exploding for a 5-run fourth inning to beat the Big Kids 5-3, then outlasted The Freqs 3-2 in a 7-inning marathon fraught with drama. Congratulations to the champions for a fantastic run of kickball games.


TEAM OF THE TOURNAMENT

Calling the FREQS the George Mason of the tournament is a long-overdue analogy, but when you think about it, they surpassed the Patriots’ accomplishments by actually advancing to the final before bowing out. The path to the championship was daunting, as they faced, in order, the #5, #4, #1, and #3 seeds in the tournament. It begs the question: how in the hell did they go 3-5-1 in the regular season? Congratulations to the bandits in blue for their remarkable tournament.


PLAY OF THE WEEK

Two plays shaped the day for Your Mom’s Team on Saturday. In the semifinal, down 2-0 in the top of the fourth inning, they loaded up the bases against My Beloved Big Kids and scored all three of them when STEVE blasted a triple up the third base side. Suddenly they had a 3-2 lead, they added two more in the inning, and they had their winning margin.

In the final, the Freqs loaded up the bases with one out in the top of the fifth and sent a fly ball deep to right. YMT’s SCOTT gathered in the ball and the Freq on third base tagged up and dashed home. But what’s this? The Freq runner on first has taken off running! Scott rushes into the infield, tags her with the ball, three outs, no runs score, game (and season) saved in one double play."

"...COLLISION OF THE WEEK

Your Mom’s Team’s JJ FURNO decided to take matters in his own hands as the late innings approached in the final. In a move we longtime kickball veterans know all too well, he kicked a short ball to the left side of the infield and started running. The Freqs tried to get him out at first, but he rounded the base and took off toward second while the first baseman reeled the ball in. Panic in the infield! The Freqs throw toward second to try and get him there, but he’s already rounded second and is heading for third. But he’s rounded wide and momentum can’t stop him.

According to the usual script, JJ would end up on third or maybe even home on a mad dash. This time, however, he collides with a Freq between second and third, hits the ground, and is tagged for an out. To make matters worse? The poor guy broke a rib on the play. Really. He was in the hospital Saturday night while the rest of us were storming Grand Central. Hope you’re feeling better soon, JJ."

"...DUST OFF THE RECORD BOOKS AGAIN

Thick Femur ERIC noticed it first, and we did indeed verify it: Thick Femur’s 19-game winning streak, which started in the 2006 midseason and ended with their semifinal loss to the Freqs, was the longest in major league adult kickball history, surpassing My Left Foot’s 18-game streak in 2004-2005.

Your Mom’s Team’s win preserved a strange tradition in our league: no one has ever won the league in back-to-back seasons. Even the Mighty My Left Foot lost the second of their three consecutive finals appearances. In fact, in ten years, we have had eight different teams win the championship. Only Thick Femur and My Left Foot ever won it twice:

1998: Big Kids 4, Kickin’ Chicken 2
1999: Afterschool Specials 7, Keg Kickers 6
2000: Thick Femur 1, Afterschool Specials 0
2001: Screaming Caissons 2, Playground Avengers 0
2002: No Whammies 13, Big Kids 3
2003: My Left Foot 3, Dropkickers 1
2004: Dropkicker United 6, My Left Foot 5
2005: My Left Foot 6, Keg Kickers 1
2006: Thick Femur 3, Lunchbox KC 0
2007: Your Mom’s Team 3, Freqs 2"

"...AND FINALLY, GOODBYE

Okay, I’ll do my best not to get overly sentimental here. 

Back in May of 1999, I got my first exposure to adult kickball. My beloved Big Kids had a bye week in week one, and somehow or another, I got conned into officiating the first adult kickball game I ever witnessed. I stood down the first base line with a solo cup in one hand, a cigarette in another, and called foul balls and fair balls for a couple of hours.

I was hooked immediately.

In nine years of adult kickball, I’ve been privileged to witness the birth of a phenomenon. As far as we knew, the 13 teams playing that year were the only organized league of adult kickball in the world. Now it’s played by tens of thousands of people in countless leagues across the country, some of whom are suing each other, and has turned into a humongous cash cow of a business for those who decided to make their livings off of a children’s game.

I’ve been seen on CBS, NBC, Fox calling out kickball lineups and doing the team cheer. Channel 9 caught me screaming maniacally when a Big Kid outfielder made a diving catch in a playoff game, keeping the archrival Playground Avengers from scoring. I’ve been quoted in the Washington Times, City Paper, and New York Times talking about the game I’ve loved playing all these years. 

I spent a night in the hospital in 2002 when I dove head first into home, upending a catcher who subsequently landed on my head. My career stats, if they existed, would show that I kicked one home run back in 1999, maybe a handful of doubles, and one bases-loaded triple against the Red Rovers in 2005. I think maybe I’ve scored five runs, and it wouldn’t surprise me if it were fewer than that. My "coaching" record is 51-30-5. 

I’ve lost my temper more times than I would be proud to admit. Team Lush still thinks I threw a chair when they beat the Big Kids 14-7 back in 2001. It was a clipboard, but I like the legend too much to force them to correct it. And I still tease Carlton about a foul ball call that I’m SURE he blew and cost us yet another playoff game against the archrival Playground Avengers.

I’ve met an incredible array of people, most of whom I liked very much, and many of whom are now my best friends. I’ve been teammates with the best group of friends I’ve ever had, including an ex-girlfriend, several coworkers, connected friends, random people met at kickball meat markets, and players stolen from other teams. I’ve been tagged with nicknames like "The Godfather of Kickball," "MICOK" (Man In Charge Of Kickball), and "Kickball Daddy." I’m sure there are several colorful ones said behind my back as well.

The point of all this? It’s been a wild ride these past nine years, and much more fun than I could ever imagine, but it’s time to call it quits. I am officially a former kickball player as of Saturday night. 

If I were to send out thanks to everyone who deserves them here, it would double the length of this email. So I’m going to do those all personally. Needless to say, there are a lot of people I have worked with and played with throughout the years, and I want to send my appreciation to every single one of them for making this kickball experience what it was. 

Thank you all. I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. It’s been a privilege."

JP
Co-Captain, Big Kids
President, Capital Conference
DCKickball"

I'm really, really sad to see JP go.  Seriously, these newsletters were always one of the highlights of my week.  It's not going to be the same next spring without them.  

Before seeing this newsletter, I had no idea how far back he went.  He was there at the beginning of what is now a nationwide phenomenon.  I can't believe that I'm beginning my kickball career just as he ends his...but I feel privileged to have been under his umbrella for one season. 

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention a tidbit from the newsletter before this, after my team made the Final Four:

"TEAM OF THE WEEK

The story of the tournament so far is definitely the play of the FREQS, who have rocketed to the final four from the #12 seed, stunning the #5 and #4 seeds along the way and playing the kind of kickball that makes you wonder how the hell they went 3-5-1 in the regular season. Freq [JCABANA] says it’s because they’ve discovered the merits of playing small ball. I guess we’ll all find out on Saturday, when they take on the top seed and Masters of the Small Ball Game Thick Femur. Should be interesting."

Since my team became the lowest-seeded team in kickball history ever to make the finals, I'd say it was interesting, JP.  It definitely was.  Hopefully, it will continue to be. 

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