Second Message To Kadi Mbanefo

Kadi,

I had thought about writing a second message to you, but I wasn't sure what to say that hadn't already been said.  Well, now I have something important to tell you:

Our brother is dead. 

Your little brother.  My big brother.  Gone.

He passed away sometime last week, between Sunday afternoon and Tuesday.  We found out he was missing on January 17.  The police found him in his apartment that same afternoon.  He was locked inside by himself.  No signs of self-injury, drugs or foul play.  The medical examiner revealed that he suffered from a variety of possibly-undiagnosed ailments, including high blood pressure and heart disease. 

I last saw our brother on Christmas Day.  It's hard to accept that healthy 37-year-olds just keel over and die; once in a while they do.  But you know what's even harder to accept?

You will never see your brother alive again.  And because you've chosen to remove yourself from our lives, this is the only way I can think of to tell you about this: in public, on a website.  I can't help but feel sad about that.

I can tell you that it's sad for Dad, who is being strong and isn't showing it.  I can tell you it's sad for Mom, who of course is the most devastated party in all of this.  I had Dad call her with the news, because I couldn't bear to tell her myself.  Now they have to bury their son, while another son remains missing -- but presumed alive.

And I have to bury a brother without you.   By the time you see this, Thursday's visitation and Friday's funeral will probably be long past.

I'm pretty sure you're still out there, though obviously I can't know for sure.  You might have taken steps to lower your profile after people made you aware of my first letter.   Or you might have had something happen to you.  We really have no way of finding out.  Without explaining why, you made sure of that.

I have a couple of additional questions for you.  First, how do you deal with this?  Does our brother's passing make you want to contact us more, or does it discourage you?  I'm curious.  Hopefully, it makes you at least contact us.  I've heard from people who I haven't heard from in years in response to this event. 

When Dad and Mom die, will you be there?  Or will I be posting more public weblog entries in an attempt to notify you (and anyone else who looks you up)?  In my view, whatever your reasons for staying away simply aren't worth the difficulty it adds to times like this.  You should be available for contact at times like these, even if you do not want to be in regular touch with us.  We should have a way of letting you know -- and the people in your life should have a way of contacting us, even if they don't know us.  It disturbs me to think the same thing could happen to you...and we would have no idea.

If you want to contact us, Dad still owns the same house he owned when last we saw you, and you probably still have that address. If you send an e-mail to obsidianpotency@gmail.com, I will eventually receive it.  I hope you are doing well, wherever you are.

Your remaining little brother,
 J.

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