To Kadi Mbanefo

TITLE: To Kadi Mbanefo
STATUS: Publish
ALLOW COMMENTS: 1
CONVERT BREAKS: 1
ALLOW PINGS: 1
PRIMARY CATEGORY: Family
CATEGORY: Family
DATE: 01/23/2003 05:29:35 PM
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BODY:
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EXTENDED BODY:
Hello Kadi,
I have no idea if you will ever read this, but there are some things I'd like to say - not just for me, but on behalf of our whole family.  
Things haven't always been great between us.  Sometimes I wanted to give up, too.  But I didn't, because no matter how hard you try, you can never completely run away from your family.  Besides, the Mbanefos really aren't so bad.  
Despite our differences and the dissolution of Mom and Dad's marriage, there were times where you were everything a kid brother could ask for...wow, I really was just a kid then.  You were considerate, generous...and then, you were gone. 
No one has seen or heard from you since 1993.  I was almost 16 years old, preparing to go to my first big high school dance, and you were re-starting college in Canada.  Everything in both our lives seemed to be on track.  No one is really sure what happened after that, except you left school literally overnight and never returned.  
Don't think we haven't looked for you at all.  We get hints of your whereabouts, from letters that get sent to the Forest Glen house.  We think we might know where you are, and we are positive you are alive.  Not a week goes by when we don't think of you.
Since we haven't spoken in ten years now, I guess I should say that a lot has happened in my life since then.  I won Mr. WJ in high school; you should find that amusing, since one of my earlier memories was watching you compete in the same contest.  I kept running track and field all the way through high school.  I went to the University of Michigan, and graduated in 1999.  Mom, Dad, Aunt M and S__ were all at graduation--a rare achievement, as you might imagine.  Since then, I've lived and worked in Chicago, San Francisco and New York.  In June, I will complete a Master's Degree in Organizational Psychology at Baruch College in New York City, God willing.  After that, I hope to pursue a Ph.D.  I think I ended up more like you than like S__--a combination of your fashion sense and his size.  There's no way I could borrow any of your clothes now.  Our three stepbrothers and S__ currently live with Dad.  Mom lives on her own, as does Y____.  She has a beautiful five-year-old daughter (our niece) named S____.
A friend of mine called me "Sir Lancelot" the other day.  She was joking, but the burden always seems to fall on me to reach out and connect everyone.  I am the one who gets along with both Mom and Dad, with both family and stepfamily.  I never meant to make anyone look bad--my behavior was my reaction to our crummy situation.  I had to relate to everyone perfectly, or else the tension at home would drive me insane.  My determination to get along with everyone probably left some psychological scars.  Do you think I sought out this role?  Do you think I never wanted to run away?  
But I never did, because <i>someone</i> has to try to stop the grudges, the petty infighting.  Someone has to reach out.  And if it has to be me, so be it.  And as bad as things sometimes were, they could have been a lot worse.  As everyone has grown up and grown old, things have calmed down; much of the feuding that marked my childhood and your adolescence has faded away.  
Wherever you are, we all love you and care about you.  We desperately want to see you again.  You are a 33-year-old adult; since you know Dad's address, it is up to you to decide...for now.  But understand that when I finish school, I will find you.  I only hope you are ready to be found.  If you do read this and want to get in touch, you can e-mail me at obsidianpotency@gmail.com.
Still your little (25-year-old) brother,
jcabana  
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: idil
URL:
DATE: 06/08/2004 12:00:49 AM
j,
please yave Y contact me, thanx.  you may or may not remember me but the three of you visited my home in (OSU campus one of the times Y stayed with me) the late eightys with your dad.  he had come from i Zaire i believe. Please give him my regards as well.  I hope you find Kade, I remember when he went to Canada.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Peter O
EMAIL: Pete@killerobot.com
URL: http://giantkillerrobots.com
DATE: 01/13/2004 06:52:11 PM
Hey J,

You may not remember me, as I was a good friend of your brother Kadi in high school.  I lived in the house next to Ashburton Elementary, and I remember you used to tease my dog on the way home as a little kid! ...time flies, doesn't it?  I lost contact with Kadi around 1993, when he went up to Canada for school, and was hoping to find out what happened to him since then.  I have occasionally googled his name, and ended up finding this link-- I was sad to hear that you and your family lost contact with him at the same time.  I can't really piece together what might have happened, and am hoping that you've found out more about his whereabouts since this posting a year ago.  I'm hoping that he is okay--I've heard rumors that he is in Arizona, or New Mexico or somewhere like that, but I'm not certain.  I'm hoping that he is still somewhere in the US/Canada area...If you get this message, I'd like to hear from you!

Take care,

Peter O
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Uju N.
EMAIL: nnamaobi@msu.edu
URL: http://www.msu.edu/~nnamaobi
DATE: 12/01/2003 02:26:23 PM
I pray everything works out in due time. Take heart!
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom B
EMAIL: beanball7@yahoo.com
URL:
DATE: 11/03/2003 01:32:14 PM
Hey J,

Long time no talk.  It is your old nextdoor neighbor.  One day at work your family came up and I thought I would look you up.  I read your letter and I can empathize with you.  We have not talked to Diane in almost ten years.  Tell your mother, father,Seg, and Y I said hello.  Just wanted to say hello.  I hope everything goes well with your search for Kadi.  Not many of my childhood memories are without one of the Mbanefos involved.  If you want to get in touch just search around "Baseball" and you should find me.  I am happy to see you are doing well in your life.  Throughout my youth Kadi, S, and you were the closest things I had to brothers my own age. Good luck in your studies.  I'll check back from time to time.

Take care, Tom
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Tom B
URL:
DATE: 11/03/2003 01:26:05 PM
Hey J,

Long time no talk.  It is your old nextdoor neighbor.  One day at work your family came up and I thought I would look you up.  I read your letter and I can empathize with you.  We have not talked to Diane in almost ten years.  Tell your mother, father,Seg, and Y I said hello.  Just wanted to say hello.  I hope everything goes well with your search for Kadi.  Not many of my childhood memories are without one of the Mbanefos involved.  If you want to get in touch just search around "Baseball" and you should find me.  I am happy to see you are doing well in your life.  Throughout my youth Kadi, Seg, and you were the closest things I had to brothers my own age. Good luck in your studies.  I'll check back from time to time.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: unknown
EMAIL: aaa@yahoo.com
IP: 64.105.129.154
URL:
DATE: 03/25/2003 08:22:04 PM
cell number for Kadi Mbanefo
520-270-6400
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: jcabana
URL:
DATE: 01/25/2003 05:04:25 PM
It almost made me cry to write it - which is saying a lot.  daina, i think i feel a bit better.  it's always good to clean out the closet.
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: yoni
URL: http://www.jknoll.org/
DATE: 01/24/2003 07:10:21 PM
beautiful. really.

daina: first, how ya doin'? second, was that a knock on bloggin'?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: daina
URL:
DATE: 01/24/2003 04:12:03 PM
so, how do you feel now that you've written it-- and posted it?
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COMMENT:
AUTHOR: Carla
URL:
DATE: 01/24/2003 07:07:34 AM
I am glad you wrote this.  It almost made me cry.  I wanted to read some other stuff you wrote but I am going to be late for work.
Lots of Love,
Car
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